just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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