i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
