I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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