he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
