it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
