You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
