He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
