I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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