she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
