There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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