Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found your dick twin last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize