i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
