Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
