ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize