i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
