I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
