i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
