somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
