Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
