You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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