Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
