Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
