I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
