you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
