Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
