Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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