AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just had sex on a roof
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
