Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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