Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
