so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
