one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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