Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
