DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
