Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
