Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A+ Viking dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
