I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
