M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
