she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
