that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
