i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
