he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize