Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
