Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
