My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
