we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize