Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
