Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
sex in a hospital.. check
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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