i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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