she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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