I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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