Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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