ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
