nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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