It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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