Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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