Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
