I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Tornado booty call.. dedication
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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