Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
