Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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