I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
