I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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