I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
