I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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