I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
