the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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