hell yes lets make some ravioli
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
