planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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