hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
